I woke up before the alarm today, though I hadn't set one. My room was quiet, and for a few seconds, I almost forgot what day it was. Then it came back-the dull ache that wraps around my ribs every year.
My birthday.
And the day he died.
I sat up slowly, pressing my hands into the mattress like it could hold me together. I could hear birds outside, and for a moment, I hated how normal the world sounded. How dare it be peaceful? How dare it act like nothing happened?
Yesterday was the fresher's party. Laughter, noise, music-I smiled, danced, and played along. But now, in the stillness of the morning after, the silence feels truer.
My phone was full of messages: "Happy Birthday!" "Hope you're celebrating today!"
Celebrate? They don't know. No one knows what it feels like to be born on the day your brother died. No one knows what it feels like when your father looks at you like you're a curse in his house.
He never liked me, just because I'm a daughter, but still he used to call me his daughter. After that day he stopped. He doesn't say it, but I see it. In his silence. In how he walks past my room without a glance. In how he talks about my brother like he was the only child that mattered. And after that day my life became worse.
I miss him-my brother. He used to make every birthday feel like magic. He was older, and fun, and always knew what to say when I got too quiet. And now, I'm always too quiet. Always pretending I don't feel the weight of his absence, or the guilt, even though I was just a kid too.
Today, I'm allowed to feel it all. The grief. The love. The unfairness. Even the bitterness. And maybe-just maybe-I'll feel a little hope, too. Not for celebration. But just for surviving another year.
"I miss you bhai." I mumbled.
After my mother he used to read bedtime stories for me. He used to read books. He loved reading.
F L A S H B A C K
"Bhai, what are these books you always read?" 9 years old Sakshi questioned his brother.
"These are called novels, meri jaan. Like your story books." Aarav replied ruffling his sister's hair.
"Wow, story books. I'll also read when I'll be your age." Little Sakshi exclaimed. Aarav chuckled seeing her excitement.
"Bhai, do you love these books?" Little Sakshi asked with curiosity.
"Yes baccha, I love reading novels." Aarav replied.
"Then I'll also write a book like this." She giggled.
"So, my little munchkin wants to become an Author?" Aarav replied pinching her nose playfully.
"What is the Author Bhai?" She asked her brows furrowing in confusion. Aarav couldn't control his laugh seeing his cute little sister's face.
"Are you laughing at me Bhai?" She pouted.
"Nahi meri jaan, you're just looking cute." Aarav chuckled.
F L A S H B A C K E N D
I was lost remembering our happy moments, when a knock interrupted me. I didn't lock my room. Sunita maa entered.
"You haven't freshen up yet?" She asked clearly irritated.
"Don't forget, tonight is your birthday party. If you want you can invite your friends. Your father said." Saying she left.
Birthday party.
Papa is not celebrating my birthday. It's just for show. Papa's business partners will be there. It's just for the world that 'even on her birthday Karan sinha lost his son, he doesn't curse his daughter.' news headline. But in reality it is quite the opposite.
I thought to invite karthik as he was so excited about my birthday. I can't upset him. I dailed his number.
"Hello birthday girl." He wished me. He was so excited than me.
"I called you to invite. Evening 7 PM in my house, birthday party." I didn't spoke much.
"Okay. Listen I know it's hard, but your brother will be upset to see you upset because of him. He always wanted you to be happy." Yes I told him about my brother. He didn't blame me like others do. He consoled me like no one did.
"I won't be upset. Bye." Saying I ended the call.
I was sitting restless in my office, waiting for Ashok to arrive with the information I asked him to collect. He is late. "Just a few more minutes Aaryan, he'll be here." I convinced myself. But damn, I can't wait.
Whenever I close my I see her face.
Sakshi.
I didn't sleep last night not even for a second. I'm restless. I want to see her, even just for a second. I just want to see her, hear her voice. But damn, today is a holiday for her college. I don't even know her address.
I was tapping my foot being restless that's when I heard a knock. I composed myself, not wanting to look like a teenager in love.
"Come in."
"Sir I got the information you asked for." Ashok said with a tablet in his hands.
"Her name is 'Sakshi sinha.' she is 19, a college student, in English lit. She is the daughter of the president of 'velvet Finance' karan sinha.
Today is her birthday and a party is going to held in her mansion. And today is the same day her older brother- Aarav sinha died.
She lives with her father, her step mother- Sunita sinha, and step brother- Raghav sinha- 10 years old and this is her number."
Ashok spoke in one breath. And handed me a file in which her information and her number is printed.
I listened to the information. So, her mother and brother died.
It will be so hard for her to celebrate her birthday. I was thinking how sad she will be today. Just then my mind clicked to step mother and brother. Are they good to her? I googled about her family.
Similar information is there, and about the love of a father towards her daughter, despite her son's death. And someone wrote she is the curse.
Disgusting. How can someone write this. She is not to blame. How is it her fault?
Should I text her?? When she asks me who am I what should I answer? Bad idea.
I think I should visit her. But she doesn't even know me.
"Huh! What should I do?" I fist my hair.
"Should I wish her a happy birthday?" No. I will wish her on her next birthday, she'll be mine then.
"Are you sure?" My subconscious mind mocked me.
"Yeah I'm sure. I'll make her mine."
They say turning 20 is supposed to feel like a beginning. A step into adulthood. But all I feel is the weight of everything that's already been lost.
The ballroom is full. My father's mansion never spares expense. Golden light pours from chandeliers. Waiters in white coats drift like ghosts between clusters of people holding flutes of champagne. Laughter bounces off the high ceilings like it's trying too hard to echo joy.
I stood at the center in a flowing navy-blue dress, a smile delicately painted on my lips, eyes hollow behind the shimmer. The applause after the cake-cutting was loud, but inside, I heard only silence.
Karthik is trying hard to entertain me, i feel bad for him. "Sakshi, look at him." Karthik said pointing at a man- he is none other than CEO of 'Velvet Finance'- Rithvik verma, I hate him.
"You should've looked sooner, he was about to fell on his face." Saying he laughed.
"He is the CEO of my father's company." I said
"Ohhh. I'm getting bad vibes from him" He said and he was not wrong.
"I hate him." I said to karthik.
" Me too " he said making me wonder.
"Why?" I asked.
" Because you do. And I know you don't hate anyone, and if you hate him it means he is the problem." He replied making me smile. "Finally you smiled genuinely."
"You understands me." I said.
" I'm proud of myself." Saying he patted his shoulder, making me laugh.
___
Karthik left as her mother's health is not good. Now I'm alone here.
"Are you getting bore my lady." Not now I mumbled.
"Did you said anything?" Rithvik Huh! I hate him.
"Nope." I replied.
"If you're free from your college stuff, we can hangout sometimes. If you don't mind." I was about to deny him when a childish voice interrupted.
"Why? She's my didi and she'll hangout with me only." Raghav said to Rithvik almost in a warning tone. No one can go against raghav not even this so-called CEO. If he tries to then he has to wash hands from his CEO position.
"Let's go didi." Saying he took me from there holding my hand.
"Are you ok?" He asked me.
"Yes I'm." I assured him.
"I don't like him." He said making a poker face.
"Who?" I was clearly confused.
"CEO." He replied looking in his direction.
"Don't worry. I'll snatch his position from him soon." He said making me chuckle.
"You're just a kid raghav. By the way you told me you don't want to take the company. So what now?" Yes he's not interested in company. He is just a kid but a bit mature than his age. He is responsible.
"As if Dad will listen." He sucked.
"You should fight Raghav." Yes he should. Why should he live the life he don't want to.
"Okay didi." Saying he left.
I don't know but I'm feeling uneasy. Like something is going to happen.
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